Basket Case

I've seen him twice in my hang out now. The first time I thought he was having a bad day, maybe lost a silly bet, was in a rush, or at worst was trying to simply attract some attention after a break up or something. I'm never surprised by what a man will do have a conversation ready and in the open when they've been out of the game for a while. In any case he came into the coffee shop with a laundry basket. The basket's contents were comprised, not of clothes, but instead with normal stuff you'd see in a coffee shop. Inside there was: a computer, computer charger, a notebook, pen, books and car keys. Alright. Obviously carrying your crap in a laundry basket is not a crime, but someone much brighter already found a more convenient and space efficient way to lug your stuff. It wasn't even a nice basket with the re-enforced rails and sturdy handles. It was one of those older flimsy guys that always caved in and sent you flying when you maybe had a drink or few and tried to start practicing for your spot on the Jamaican bobsled team by riding down a staircase in one.
It seems believable enough that he was just doing laundry and had a vacated spot in the basket while his clothes were doing their thing at the place where people go to clean their clothes. However, he came in again with all of the same things along with some napkins and a muffin this time. This made me pretty suspicious because I had seen him twice in about a week and a half. And, EVERY man knows that is not enough time to necessitate another wash. Just based on undergarments alone he would have had gone to a first round of smell checks for already worn first, followed by a switch to the more uncomfortable briefs next, and lastly followed by a shredded pair of undies left in the drawer for the sole purpose of being a reminder that the situation had just gotten real and it was officially laundry day (tomorrow). My deductions were confirmed when a girl made an inquiring joke about the reason for the basket and he got defensive saying, "What? I needed something to carry all of my stuff..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37OWL7AzvHo --Riiigghht. To this bizarre bean who is way behind on the backpack revolution: you know who you are...

Life Lessons via Espresso

He came in and asked for a large cappuccino. Right away this order didn't seem to make sense. While there are many different definitions of a cappuccino, it is traditionally known as a drink of modest proportions made in thirds (1/3 espresso, 1/3 milk and 1/3 foam) and served in a smaller cup or mug on saucer. Being that all of our large drinks are served in a 20 oz cup with an additional shot on top of the two that we always start out with, I had to fill the other 17-18 oz left in the cup with equal parts milk and foam.

The man was upset with his immodest proportions when he took a sip and complained. Here is when we both inadvertently learned an important life lesson:

-Sir, this isn't what I ordered. There's too much foam.

-No, that is what you ordered, but maybe you wanted a latte. Lattes have mostly a sweeter mixture of steamed milk with a much smaller portion of a little foam on top.

-Yeah, that's what I want. Can I get one of those instead.

-Sure. That'll be $4.13.

-What!? I don't want two drinks! I just want the drink I originally wanted!

-Well, you have to tip at least a dollar to get a mind reading. [I could tell he didn't like this line and quickly switched gears.] Sir, I get that the cappuccino is not what you originally had in mind, but our company can't take the hit for our customers' mistakes. You have to know what you want to get what you want...

The last statement definitely took hold of both of us as we looked at each other bewildered with equal parts irritation and insight. Not another word was spoken as we both mulled everything over. The mind reading was taking place. We were both thinking: "You have to first know what you want in all walks of life to get what you want. Ain't that the damnedest thought to come from a coffee shop." To this bizarre bean who will probably never get a coffee drink order wrong ever again: you know who you are...