As I have continued to work and put up with an abundance of customers, some of my coy one-liners have been honed and perfected, while others have had to be shelved for more appropriate times. Case and point: when a man bought into me telling him we had a $17 minimum on cards hook, line and sinker, I felt bad when his embarrassment was blatantly apparent due to a woman pissing her pants in merriment at his gullibility behind him. I tried to apologize and explain that I had an unfair advantage of a practiced delivery, but wasn't taken seriously while I too was laughing. I couldn't tell him it was because of the size of the woman's gap in her teeth behind him. Here are some new ones to watch out for though so you don't find yourself in the crossfire.
Customer: "What are those Morning Glory muffins made out of?"
Me: "Rays of sunshine."
Customer: (playing into the sarcasm) "Oh really?"
Me: "Yeah, they're fresh caught each morning and certified organic if you're into that sorta stuff."
I misjudged the thickness of one customer's skin with the cake jar lines and have since tried to tone down the punch line.
Customer: "What are those Cake Jar things?"
Me: "It's cake in a jar."
Customer: "Oh really? That's what I thought. (Sure you did) Well who makes them and how do they get the cake in the jars that way?"
Me: (Obviously not the baker and getting flustered that I just refrained from openly questioning their intelligence) "It's the same company that puts wooden ships in bottles, and I have no idea how they do it. Trade secret I suppose."
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